As we grow older I realise that we are not born to make a living; we are born to serve.
We are required to walk our own road and then stop assess what we have learnt and share with others. only in that way can the next generation learn from those who have walked before.
– Mama Albertina Sisulu
The beauty scars of emotional abuse…
In my life journey I have come across a lot of experiences; pleasant and unpleasant, worthwhile and unworthy, positive and negative etc. Through it all I can say emotional abuse has had the most impact because it taught me a lot about life and pain and the meaning of mental health. A few years ago if anyone asked me about mental health I would have just referred to it as the difference between someone who shows signs of needing to go to a mental institution and someone who shows no signs of needing to go to a mental institution.
Often times, the world both directly and indirectly tells us that we shouldn’t be happy with ourselves if we don’t fit certain beauty standards. Scars to your beautiful is a reminder that beauty isn’t only one look, shape, size, or colour. It isn’t even always tangible. It comes in an endless amount of forms and we need to recognize that.
– Alessia Cara
Now I believe and know it’s much more than that and I have committed my life journey to going deep in search of mental wellness, what it means, its effects and taking care of it. I believe emotional abuse is a major contributor to anxiety, low self-esteem and depression in women. A lot of times we are told to look out for physical abuse in relationships as the deal breaker while emotional abuse is left not accounted for. Emotional abuse is as powerful if not more damaging as physical abuse and I believe in most times emotional abuse comes before physical abuse which may mean that for someone to have waited for physical abuse to take place, they have long been psychologically damaged.
I have seen women try to look like other women, competing to be liked more using their looks, wanting to be praised for their beauty and wanting to feel wanted for their looks, using their looks as a means to make another woman jealous etc. I always say “being beautiful is the last thing I want to be remembered for.” Never mind if you see me to be beautiful or not, remember, “beauty is in the eyes of the beholder” hahaha
I think very less attention is given to emotional abuse, far less than is required; meanwhile it is the cause of most of the suffering women go through. If women are taught to put their worth in how they look, how far would they go to make sure they look a certain way to feel worthy? And how much of that would they believe contributes to how they are treated in a relationship? Women generally assume how you look means much more than what you think because being attractive gives you an advantage to being wanted and cherished. Then we have all women trying to look like one woman they think men find attractive then when a man starts making you feel like you are unworthy you start believing that the reason is because of your fading beauty when beauty is the least of what makes or break a relationship.
To me beauty is every women’s 1st scar of emotional abuse.